Karma H. Christ

So I was trying not to watch Idol Gives Back last night and I was sucked in as they donations came in upon images of the desperate and poor. I am, by no means, uncaring. I give money to charities regularly and almost gave last night as part of my duties as a human.

Then my mind spiraled out of control. I started thinking about all the benefits from years past. Band-Aid, Farm-Aid, Comic Relief, Christian Miracle Network, and countless of others since the '80's that flaunt actors and musicians as salesman to karma. These events each earn close to $20 million a piece that I hear of. Over the course of the past 20 years, that's at least $400 million from one charity. Then you have the smaller charities, individuals and fundraisers that may pull in, say $2 million. You are looking at, over the course of the year, charities making $40 million a year (this is my uneducated guess). Lets say that number carries over for the course of 20 years. That is a total of $800 million. So then you figure that there are 900 million people in Africa. You count out the "rich" nations like South Africa and Egypt and the nations that are doing well on there own, and you probably can say that 50% of that population is poor and in need of aid. With $800 million you are telling me that the proper hospitals, farm tools, farm supplies, medical supplies, or educational material can not be provided? I find it hard to believe that this money is not enough, along with all the volunteering people from almost every country, to help make this country a better place.

What am I saying? I think that the charity organizations are not fully using or giving the money to those who need it. Those who run the organizations should be investigated for where this money actually goes. Don't tell me that there are administrative fees or wages of any sort. There are volunteers willing to work and I know that a lot are, so anyone being paid should not be considered as "doing charity work."

I hope that the day comes when all this money finally makes it to whatever country and whatever child needs it, and those who are holding this money or redirecting it into non-charitable dollars wind up catching the malaria that they say they wish to eliminate.

"Karma is God's evil twin sister. She hates you more than he does." --hb

Ctrl+Alt+GoF*yourself

I have been designing some corporate logos lately and when in a train station I began sketching an idea that I had for one of them. I had a No. 2 Skillcraft pencil I stole from the dentist and a yellow legal pad from who-knows-where. But I digress...

For the last 10 years, I may doodle while talking on the phone or sitting in a meeting, but rarely do I put ideas onto paper. I get the juices flowing by "sketching" right into Illustrator or Photoshop. I can change colors, fonts and such with a quick keystroke. Over time, I have gotten use to the tools and options to the point that I rarely think about keyboard shortcut or mouse clicks or combinations of the sort. In minutes I can have a mock-up of what I want to do and work from there.

So, while waiting for the train, I sketched a stylized letter 'A' as it appeared in my head. As it progressed, I was becoming pleased with the design and thinking of all the aspects that would go along with this 'A' to complete the logo. One line suddenly went askew and, in an instant, my brain said "CTRL-Z" as I flipped the pencil over to erase.

UNDO! UNDO! Stupid eraser just smears the lead. Ruining the line. Ruining the design completely! Thoughts being mumbled, CTRL-Z! CTRL-ALT-Z! CTRL-A...DELETE! F12!

I eventually threw the design away.

"Power tastes great unless you choke on it." --hb

Curse of the Big Bang Theory

Conspiracy Theorist unite!

I have been watching the TV show "Big Bang Theory" on Monday nights. A couple of weeks ago they began the show with the song from "2001: A Space Odessy" and that week the author, Arthur C. Clark died.

Last week, they showed 3 of the charachters going to a "Planet Of The Apes" marathon and that week Charelston Heston died.

I am eagerly awaiting the new episodes because the show is very funny.

"When you look for a conspiracy you shall find it. Then the CIA will find you and kill you."--hb

Mondays are like Tuesdays. 'Cept differnet.

When the weekend has passed and Monday morning starts with a cup of coffee and the dread of a long workweek, I find myself looking back on Saturday morning.

Saturday morning I was thinking about Monday, not thinking that I would be thinking about Saturday on Monday. I thought that Monday would be different. Not like last Monday, but more like last Tuesday. Last Tuesday I was thinking it was Wednesday most of the day, and when I finally came to the realization that it was Tuesday, and not Wednesday, I was disappointed that I was further from the weekend than I had thought. Then I was struck by the notion that next Tuesday (tomorrow) I might have the same problem.

Does every day circle around and around and around? Yes.

Today is a rainy Monday, and Tuesday will probably also be rainy. I keep thinking about Saturday already, and it will probably rain then, too.

"The sound of birds in the morning will wake you so you don't forget to sleep the day away." --hb

The randomness of arbitrary haphazardness

Free, random, quotes for your email signature. Courtesy of your pal, me.

The time is now to do as you wish, just don't be late wishing.If it takes more than 3 people to do, make sure one is a lady.

Walking under bridges is better than burning them because you won't fall through.

When your head is in the clouds, watch out for helicopters.

A man in need of a women stays lonely. A woman in need of a women probably ran out of tampons.

The walk in the woods that ends at the river may lead to enlightenment as long as you can swim. If you cannot, try to use the bridge.

Understand what people are saying between words. If you do not, make it up.

If you need the love of others to feel complete, make sure there is someone who you can love and make them love you. If they do not, you may not feel complete.

When making spaghetti, make sure you cook the noodles.

Without money in your pocket the coffee shop hates you.

Aspire to be better than you are now. Later, you can look back to see how much of an ass you were.

If traffic makes you angry, try pulling off on the side of the road and walking. That'll really piss you off.

Never mention the words "I love you" on the first date if you want to get laid.

Three bartenders walk into a church. One has a bottle of gin, one a bottle of scotch, the last a empty bottle of wine. The preacher says, "You forgot the 14 year old boy."

If you travel back in time to the place you loved the most, remember to write down the lottery numbers.

--hb

Fridays in the rain

I am the premier, self-proclaimed, "Signature Artist." What the hell is that, you ask?

A little background first. I have spent much of the past 15 years writing editorials and columns on the internet and in trade publications ranging from medical advice to graphic design to sports. Much of what I do involves lots and lots of emails to publishers and printers. In 1997 I began to get annoyed at the signature lines of peoples emails, usually advertising some product or, most annoying, quoting scripture or philosophy. As kind of a joke, I began tagging all of my emails with a made up quote that was senseless and obscure. It wasn't long until I started receiving favorable reviews and comments on the signature quotes, so I began to compile them into a hefty file on my computer and creating a script that automatically generates one to put on the bottom of each outgoing email.

Now, I would like to expand my writings to the Blogging world, as I am no longer writing for columns due to my lack of interest. My musings shall be presented here for a release of my thoughts. Enjoy

"The last thing you want in life is to be last unless you are the last to die." --hb