Script for the upcoming season of The Hills

I wrote a script for the upcoming season of The Hills and thought I would share with you the riveting first few moments:
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Setting: Like an outdoor coffee shop or whatever

Guy and girl are like drinking coffee and , like, talking

Guy: Like, did you call her?
Girl: Whatever.
Guy: Whatever. You hollered back. Ummm, she’s like, “whatever”, and you were like, “whatever”. Whatever. Like why’d you do that?
Girl: Whatever.
Guy: Ummm. You totally got my ass called out. Like, we were okay, and you, like, whatever.
Girl (long pause, looking into the street or whatever): Like, we were, like, “hey” and then we talked about whatever. It never came up that you were seeing that girl.
Guy: Whatever.
Girl: She’s, like, so busy with work. Definitely. She’s got this, like, job or whatever, that like she’s like all up in the party scene for like fashion or whatever. And I was, like, “Whatever, I’d sell my car for a job like that” And she’s like, “I know, right” and I’m like “Right!”
Guy: I’d buy you a new one.
Girl: I know. Like, how to you get a job like that?
Guy: Like, you gotta go to school and stuff to learn that. Beverly Hills, I think.
Girl: Whatever, like I have time to, like, study and stuff.
Guy: Whatever.
Girl (suddenly on cell phone): Hey…. What? ....Nuh uh…. Whatever….. Whatever… Definitely…. I’m here now, call me back.
Guy: Who was that?
Girl: Whatever.

Camera pans overhead, playing an acoustic song or whatever, go to, like, a commercial or something.

ls *

>ls *

>mkdir earth
>cd earth
>mkdir life
>cd life
>pwd
/earth/life
>mkdir male
>mkdir female
>chmod -R 777 female
>chmod -R 000 male
>cd ../
>pwd
/earth
>

Blue Eyed White People are to blame?

Luiz Inacio Lula da Silvamade commented that "the global financial crisis was caused by "white people with blue eyes" after talks with British Prime Minister Gordon Brown to try to forge a global consensus on how to save the worldwide economy.

As a proud member of the National Association of Blue Eyed White People, I would like to go on notice stating that I had nothing to do with the finacial crisis. This type of racial sterotyping is why my people are having an uphill climb through a bigoted world that can only see us for the colors of our eyes and skin. During WWII, Hitler began the quest to develop a "master race" of blue eyed white people. This began the first labeling of us as "arian" and associating us to the nazi party. After many years of not having anything to do with this, we are now faced with a new form of racism against us.

The #1 reason to be a dude

I have been thinking that it is good to be a guy, and I have come up with the number one reason why.

In the event of an invasion by aliens or zombies, we will be better equipped to run away because we won't be wearing high heels. We will have a better chance of survival, making it good to be a dude.